Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop ...

Monday, October 13, 2014


Dear Diary,

Here I am again...Waiting for the other shoe to drop.

It's hard not to wonder if I'll get the dreaded phone call after my lab work each week: the dreaded "go back to the hospital call" because your platelets are at critical levels (under 10,000) .  Its hard because the last time I had to go back to the hospital, I felt great. I had even gone out to lunch and movie with a dear friend. And I wasn't too fatigued or sore or anything, and I had no real symptoms, just 1 tiny bruise. It's always hard to be in the hospital, but even harder when you don't " feel" like you should be there because you don't feel like any things wrong.  And so every week when I get my blood drawn, I wonder if I will get the call and I hope that I don't. And as hard as I try to just expect good news and to not worry about getting a phone call, there's always a little doubt that reigns me in. I'm really trying to coexist with this and accept it as part of my immune disease. Not to accept it as the end result or a prison sentence, but to accept it as a stage or a stepping stone to future better days and maybe remission. It's like the Serenity prayer.

Grant me the serenity 
To accept the things I cannot change; 
Courage to change the things I can;
And wisdom to know the difference. 

Living one day at a time; 
Enjoying one moment at a time; 
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace...

And so I am ever hopeful  and when I don't get a call, I feel free again if only for another week. But I'll take what I can get. 

It's Monday evening now, and no call. Whew! Now I relax a little bit.

Here's to No News is Good News.

~Me